Therapy for Purity Culture Recovery 

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“I feel overwhelmed and confused and really uncomfortable with my sexuality.”

If you’ve been impacted by purity culture, then some of the following experiences may sound very familiar: 

  • You feel deeply uncomfortable and anxious around topics like sex, sexuality, bodies, and pleasure.

  • You feel guilty or dirty about your curiosity about your body.

  • You feel afraid of or even disgusted by your genitalia and avoid sexual stimulation.

  • You don’t know what is “ok” for you to do sexually, and you don’t know how to find out, and you don’t want to make a mistake or get hurt.

  • You believe you’re damaged or not valuable because of a sexual experience you had.

  • You feel confused and worried about your sexual orientation, and you feel stuck.

  • You feel ashamed of your body, your sexual thoughts, fantasies, urges, and actions. You also feel ashamed of how little you know about your body, sex, and intimacy. Sometimes you blame yourself.

def. Purity Culture (n): a modern subculture (and industry) within evangelical Christianity and Catholicism that emphasizes individual sexual “purity.” While the definition of “purity” is ambiguous, it is signified by an emphasis on abstinence from intercourse, rejection of sexual desires and fantasies and masturbation, and focus on marriage as the only appropriate outlet for sexual expression. Traditional gender roles, female modesty, and denial of innate female sexuality are also core themes. How purity culture is practiced varies across communities, but sexual repression and shame are consistent experiences among those subjected to it.

If you grew up in the 1990’s or early 2000’s in the US (or abroad in a community heavily influenced by the US) in a remotely religious or conservative community, chances are high you’ve been impacted by the purity movement.

And it’s likely these impacts show up in your thoughts and feelings about bodies, sex, and sexuality. 

And you may struggle to recall any specific incidents of when you were taught these messages, almost as if they were just “in the air.”

Or, you may have some very vivid memories – maybe there was a specific sermon or lesson in youth group, or something someone said in small group, or a time when you remember someone was called out for doing something wrong.

These beliefs and emotions take an enormous toll – it’s painful and draining to carry so much confusion, fear, and shame.

On their own, these experiences warrant attention and care. But sadly, the impacts of purity culture don’t stop here. They can show up in your physical body, in your health, and in your relationships, too.

  • If you were particularly impacted by purity messaging around the body-mind binary, in which thoughts, intellect, things of the mind are deemed higher or better than the base and sinful “flesh” with all its worldly desires, then you may feel uncomfortable and disconnected from your body, especially parts of your body associated with sexuality.

  • For some, this can lead to avoiding regular medical care or seeking intervention in the event of a medical concern. A lack of regular check-ups and screenings can lead to you not getting the health care you need. It can also result in you having inadequate information about sexually transmitted infections, safe sex practices, and birth control.

  • If you grew up being taught that marriage is the only appropriate context for sexual expression and other types of relationships are risky because they could lead to sexual temptation, you may struggle with mixed feelings about dating and marriage. You may view dating through a goal-directed lens and feel pressure to progress a dating relationship to marriage quickly. You may view a dating relationship that ends as a failure. This constant assessment may be keeping you from actually letting your relationship unfold.

  • If you received the message that sexual contact is dangerous and potentially harmful, you may be afraid to even enter into a romantic relationship. Alternately, you may be in a relationship and find you’re avoiding physical intimacy or sexual closeness because of guilt or fear.

  • Maybe you and your partner have attempted to be physically intimate or sexual, but when you do you have enormous difficulty and sometimes shut down – you may freeze, or cry, or feel the need to get away from your partner. Sex might be physically painful or difficult. Maybe at times you are sexually intimate with your partner, but you feel sick or have waves of shame or panic afterwards.

  • Maybe for you sexuality doesn’t feel intimate at all, but rather feels out of control and chaotic, and this isn’t in alignment with your values, and brings shame and confusion.

  • You may feel stuck in your relationship. You were taught not to invest emotionally or “give yourself” to a partner unless it’s in marriage - do you hold off going deeper since you’re not sure yet? It feels good to be close, but you feel shame after you “go too far” and wonder if you need to just commit at this point. But that feels hasty. You go around in circles, and it’s starting to impact your relationship.

  • Perhaps your experience doesn’t fit with the traditional gender roles and heteronormative assumptions of purity culture – whether because you’re LGBTQIA+ or you prescribe to egalitarian relationships, nontraditional gender roles, nonmonogamy, or any other relationship that does not fit into the purity box – and you’re struggling to break free from lingering shame and find space to live authentically.

If any of this is familiar, know that your experience is real. And you are far from alone. Many people have found freedom from purity messaging, and you can too.

Your sexuality belongs to you.

Let’s take it back.

If you’ve been impacted by purity culture, it is important that you know that you are not alone. It is also true that no matter what wounds you bear, healing and recovery are possible. There is a life available to you where:

  • You are confident and comfortable in acknowledging and communicating your sexual desires and preferences.

  • You are resourced with accurate information about bodies, sex, and sexuality, and make decisions from an informed position.

  • You have clarity around your sexual values and boundaries and have a framework to explore what works for you.

  • You’ve processed any painful or traumatic sexual experiences and can step back into your present moment.

  • You have peace about your sexual orientation and know what’s right for you.

  • You can have open and honest conversations about sex where you feel grounded and connected to your partner.

  • Your relationship to your sexuality is one of curiosity, joy, and excitement.

  • You feel at home in your body.

In therapy we will work together to unpack your unique experiences, identify what’s getting in your way, and help you re-engage with your body and your innate, healthy sexuality.

How we get there:

Gaining Knowledge

We will replace silence, stigma, and inaccurate information with accurate sex education. Depending on your priorities and preferences, we may also do some analysis of Biblical texts and the Christian traditions that often get wrapped up in purity messaging, to help you find space to navigate your sexuality and faith together in a way that feels right to you.

Getting Unstuck

We will process any painful events or traumatic incidents where you feel stuck by using EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) Therapy, so that the past actually feels like its in the past and you can move forward with your life.

Telling Your Story

Together we will unpack your story, explore the influences and messages that you received about sexuality, clarify their impacts on you, and process these impacts, using the knowledge we’ve gained to bring you relief.

Building Connection

We will use specially designed exercises to help you get back in connection with your body in ways that feel safe, comfortable, and pleasant. You will get to explore what pleasure means to you! Here, as in all our work, we will move at a pace that is right for you!

Writing Your Next Chapter

Using the knowledge, insight, and connection you’ve gained, you will clarify what matters to you when it comes to your sexuality. We will help you develop ways to discern what is right for you based on your sexual ethics and values, so that you feel solid and clear in your decisions.

Therapy for purity culture recovery can help you:

  • Find healing from shame-based approaches to your sexuality

  • Feel safety, joy, and pleasure connecting with your body

  • Approach decisions about your body and relationships empowered with accurate information

  • Experience intimacy and pleasure without fear and shame

  • Have conversations with your partner about sexuality that foster connection and growth

You are wired to experience pleasure, connection, and joy.

Reclaim and enjoy what is yours!

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Frequently asked questions about therapy for purity culture recovery:

  • Purity Culture has roots that trace back over 50 years. While it’s heavily concentrated in certain Christian groups, it’s also had iterations in other religious traditions. Add to this the alliances that formed between evangelical consumer culture and conservative political groups, and the impact of these groups at a national level, including in education and medicine, as well as their impact abroad through foreign policy, missions, colonization, and the global economy… and you start to get the picture. Purity Culture has tendrils of impact everywhere. Chances are, whether the messages were direct and up front, or more subtle, some found their way to you, even if they’re hard to identify, because so much of what we learn about sexuality is largely through unspoken cultural norms and assumptions.


    If you have a sense that sex is dirty or shameful, that it’s better to wait until you’re married to have sex, that men are “more sexual” than women, that men are visual and can’t control their thoughts, that women need to protect men from their thoughts through dressing modestly otherwise they’re slutty or “easy,” that women only experience their sexuality in relationships, or if you feel uncomfortable about your genitals or feel guilty when you masturbate, or avoid masturbating because it’s “wrong,” or feel responsible or damaged by a sexual act you did or that was done to you… all of these have roots in purity messaging.
    I could go on. If you’re not sure but suspect you’ve been impacted by the purity movement, reach out and we can talk more about it together!

  • That is very normal. In the broader US culture, it’s hard for many people to talk about sex. If you’ve been served some purity messages on top of that, then it would make a lot of sense for topics like sex to bring up a LOT of feelings that make talking really difficult. In therapy, we move at a pace that works for you. We’ll talk about what’s hard to talk about and find ways we can support you so you can feel grounded. Just because facing the pain takes courage it doesn’t mean you should feel fearful, panicked, or like you’re not in control of the pace of your therapy.


    Also, I bring a lot of humor and a casual feel to these conversations. I’ll say the stuff that’s awkward or hard to say as you’re getting comfortable and finding your voice. And I’ll just put it out there – whatever the thing is that you’re thinking about right now, that thing that’s definitely wrong, that would shock people to know, that you’re just sure is only you… nope. Trust me. You’re not alone. You can bring it in.

  • If you’re experiencing any of the following:


    intercourse or penetration is difficult, impossible, or painful
    difficulty getting or keeping an erection
    inability or difficulty with orgasm
    painful ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation


    You should talk to your primary care provider, gynecologist, or urologist as a first step.

    Another step I highly recommend is finding an AASECT-trained sex therapist. Sex therapists are specifically equipped to help people who are experiencing the difficulties above. You can learn more about them here !


    Because sex is so tied to our relationships, personal histories, thoughts, and emotions, you may realize you have symptoms on this above list and also have many symptoms from purity messaging. This is very normal. I specialize in helping people work through the emotional, mental, and relational impacts of purity culture and health from sexual shame to find sexual wholeness. If tending to a physical component is part of what your journey requires, I can refer you one of my many skilled colleagues, and we can work collaboratively to create a program specifically for you. If you’ve got questions about this and want to explore what options make the most sense to you, reach out and we can discuss it together.

  • If you think that therapy for purity culture recovery is the right fit for you (or if you’re not sure and want to learn more), your next step is to reach out and schedule a free 20-minute consultation. We will talk about what you’re experiencing and how I may be able to help! Ready? If so, click “Let’s Get Started!” above!